Notes on life, philosophy, and medicine

I wonder why saying these things out loud feels so difficult. Ask me what I do for work, and I hesitate—why? Is it humility or a quiet fear of not being good enough? And as a woman? Gosh, even that label feels distant at times. I love my childish ways, my wonder—so what does it really mean to be a woman? Have I lacked the role models to fully claim it, or is it something else? Then, there is God. Maybe it's the deep knowing that I am not enough—but isn't that exactly where God works? And so, with great hope, I say that I believe. But do I still have doubts? Can my character, my actions, my fruits truly reflect that I am a daughter of Christ? Do I fear the world’s response to standing in my faith? The threads of my heart and mind are loosely connected, but they are there. Some days, I find the confidence to say these things. To believe, to trust, to pray that I can be as competent as I hope to be. This is me—outside the Blue Lagoon in Iceland, wearing my Adventure in Family M...

  Summer of 2011  A year after my dad passed away, I went in search of the me that belonged to my dad or for more parts of my dad that I never learned about. I went to Can Tho, Vietnam. I traveled on streets I imagined my dad had been on as a child; I asked to see him from life beyond. And there, the dragonflies descended and something inside of me said that this was for me. This was his way of telling me he wasn't very far away. So I carry his spirit on, through Pay What You Can Primary Care. From coping with the winds of change, to the steadiness of its presence, this dragon fly is a tribute to all who came before me and now works through me to offer healing. 

Ask me 10 years ago why I went into medicine…although not entirely different, I have a whole new regard for the role of physician in society, another level of humility in wanting to save a life, having lost so many.  And this renewed drive is driven in part by a Netflix series about the dreams of doctors (eg healthy foods in hospitals, no wait ER, offering a frequent flyer a home, finding a home for a lost and broken child though unconventional ways, standing up for our own health care needs, working as a team - all the good stuff) personified in the medical director of a large public hospital New Amsterdam!  So, @NewAmsterdam, thanks for the inspiration. Looking forward to the work still to be done.